The Art of Sexual Edjumacashin
By Nathan Kerns, Staff Writer
6/17/2008
(Warning: you may only read the following article if you have had your permission slip signed by a parent or legal guardian. That’s right, folks, human nature requires parental permission.)
Sexual Education—a class that, for some, means “time to assume the fetal position and commence rocking back and forth hysterically in a corner” while for others, marks the horrifying introduction of their precious adolescent children to the atrocious act of human nature that is sexual reproduction. Recent cries from several Washington religious leaders have given rise to the possibility of removing this legendary class from the school curriculum in its entirety, which—if the recent growth in teenage pregnancies is any indication—is the last alteration Sexual Education needs. If anything, Sex Ed. needs a facelift—an entirely new approach to educating the American youth on one of the nation’s most (confusingly) controversial topics.
For starters, the majority of the videos shown in the class come from the archaic 1980s (the naïve decade notorious for its big hair, parachute pants, and super-rad Rubik’s cubes) and utilize “cutting-edge” (read: outdated) graphics and cheesy choreography to preach the dangers of HIV,STDs, and other such acronyms that one is likely to get if they have sex before marriage. Obtaining videos that were produced within the past five years would single-handedly give Sex Ed. the long overdue renovation it needs.
Perhaps more importantly, the entire Sexual Education philosophy is in need of an update. Too often, schools opt for the more reserved (and therefore more parent-pleasing) doctrine of “Abstinence or Bust” that hardly touches on proper contraceptive use, hence the unsurprising teen pregnancy rates. Interestingly enough, these programs also fail to mention America’s astounding 55 percent divorce rate—meaning more than half of the kids watching the film that preaches abstinence until marriage are likely to have more than one partner in their lifetime. Glorifying marriage as the only solution is where the current Sex Ed. agenda truly falls to pieces. Proponents of the programs argue teaching teenagers how to use contraceptives would encourage recreational sexual behavior, yet they fail to see that marriage itself has become recreational. Don’t believe me? Just turn on your TV and watch shows like Flava of Love or The Bachelor, and you’ll see that marriage is gradually becoming far more casual than sex.
It is time that America removes itself from its prude stereotype. Today’s kids don’t need less Sex Ed., they need more of it, and they need it conveyed in a modern, comprehensive manner that will properly educate them and ensure safer generations to come.