Van Buren rebels Seek Secession
By Nathan Kerns, Staff Writer
6/19/2008
A large portion of the Van Buren population was seeking to secede from Boys State yesterday morning in light of several local controversies that rocked the fine city to its tobacco-growing, weapons-making core. The most prominent issued involved Madison city’s alleged kidnap of Van Buren’s flag—an act that had several Van Buren residents eager to seek vengeance upon the mischievous city.
The final straw, however, came with the discovery of an apparent act of anti-campaigning against Wisner County Representative (and Van Buren native) Torey Powers (NAT). Outside of city hall, Van Buren residents discovered one of Powers’ campaign posters smeared with graffiti that related Powers with Satan. The residents—still outraged over the flag controversy—immediately held the city of Madison accountable for the crime (note: it is not officially known who is responsible for the vandalism).
As a result of their growing discontent, many Van Buren rebels began to call for the city to separate itself from Boys State during the city meeting—even going as far to begin drafting an impromptu Declaration of Independence and printing their own banana-themed currency. Unfortunately for the separatists, secession is against the policy of Boys State.